Random soliloquy: -
·
Who
am I? What is my origin? What is my self-identity? What is my ambit in the
world? How do I act in this world? What is the hidden truth of my life? So many
questions with different dimensions spin round in my mind for a justifiable
reply. Is there any power or spirit to answer my questions with due reality and
sensibility? I am in deep search. It is a long-chained thinking. Sometimes my
searching finds a blind alley where road is completely closed. I am afraid of
all my questions to encounter a premature death in absolute despondence. Should
it be taken into account that it is inevitable with no glimpse of any hope? I
am in deep perplexity. Yet, my subconscious mind is still in search to
rediscover and redefine myself with an exact coordinate. Perhaps I am lost in
such multi-choice thinking in renewal to a world where sun shines behind a
cloud.
ME OF
MINE:-
·
I am now a teenager, not being able to regulate the movements of
mind in a fine tune. My adolescence is still on the run. I am unnamed with a
down-profile identity. My importance is yet to be felt in any context. My mind
is just like a lump of mud, to be shaped in any form with referral situations.
But I solicit from the core of my heart that it must be passionate, touchy and
responding to the plight of sufferings and miseries of distressed and
downtrodden. I believe in togetherness and commonness. I don’t want to alienate
myself from others as togetherness is the main theme and spirit of my life.
Plain living and high thinking is my fundamental mission and I always enjoy
while walking to my missionary journey. Morality, Human values, Integrity,
Kindness, dedication and Devotion to truth should be the basic qualities; I
earnestly long for, to be reflected in my character with ever shining
resplendence. I cherish a complete separate identity of mine. I don’t want to
be a lost child as a non-entity in the midst of surging crowd. I firmly demand
my legs to be well anchored in the ground and the head to touch the sky above.
LOOKING
BACK:-
·
I
am not a born with a silver spoon. Naturally my childhood days was devoid of
luxury. But I am not unwanted in this world. I am the resultant outcome of
hidden passion of my beloved parents. I can still distinctly remember my
mother’s ever alert surveillance to protect me from any harm. She used to spend
sleepless nights for days together for me. To walk down the memory lane with all
distinctiveness is not an easy task at all. Yet, one very episode surfaces up
in my mind time and again. Once I became the cold victim worst. My lungs were
badly congested. I was in deep uneasiness to breathe. Doctor came and condition
critical was his impromptu comment. I could still recollect my mother with
overflowing tears and the agonized face of my father. After a deep struggle for
a couple of days together the moment I called my mother feebly with a smile she
embraced me with raining tears out of joy. The clouds of agony from my father’s
face dispersed instantly. Again my room started smiling. Days rolled on as a
natural rule. Gradually I reached to my school going age. One day my proud
parents accompanied me up to the school gate in deep affection. Primary school
life of mine was somewhat notable. New friendship with classmates was an
infallible attraction. New learning, new education in a different way was a
mark of pleasure to me. But class-room captivity was aching to me. My free
movement was restricted inside the fencing of discipline. Pressure of studies
started increasing gradually. Yet childhood days is nostalgia with no room of
confusion. I would like to go back those days very often along down the memory
lane where pearls of nostalgic moments are well scattered.
The Address
of My Present:-
·
Primary
education being over I stepped into High School standard. That very day I can
distinctly call up. “Look, we come of a poor family. Education is your only
significant capital what you can capitalize to build up your identity with a
striking difference in the society itself. Never forget it.” Father told me
that day envisaging much importance on it. I was then in class V. My course of
thinking was radically changed on and from that day. I began to concentrate on
the subject matter of my studies more intensively and extensively. One thing I
discovered strangely, that was nothing but my mother’s nursing to me for a new
reorientation. I initiated my struggle for betterment with no laxity as such. At
the same time I was understood that barring education I must have to be
associated with a cultural activity for necessary purification of soul. It was further
briefed with examples that an eloquent movement in the cultural arena
liberalizes our mind and heart. I opted drawing and painting as the field of my
cultural movement. So, study and cultural exposition began to run hand in hand.
I was in the understanding that changes were taking place inside me. But, still
I would have to walk for a long walk reaching my target. I was then in class
VIII. One day during course of teaching my English teacher asked me to define
education in a nut shell. In a trembling heart I replied meekly- “Education
opens up the doors and windows of our knowledge to wisdom and next to absolute
perfection. Initially he was struck with dumb and then went for a remark with a
great delight, “There is no way to define education better than this. It has
come from within relying upon faithful conviction.” I was sparked with the
recognition. I came to understand the beginning of a new beginning. By that
time I came in contact with Anami Roy, my private tutor and later the friend,
philosopher and guide. The very first day of my introduction he said to me,”
Every child is a potential Prime Minister. None but you are the helmsman of
your own future. Motivate yourself with robust optimism. There is no question
to be defeated in the battle of life. Always develop the win-win spirit. The
world is yours.” My spirit to achieve my target triggered of that day with the
speed of light. I began to think, I can also win. I was not adjudged outstanding
in Madhyamik Examination, so far as the mark sheet is concerned. Yet, I got the
first test of success. I am now in class XI. My male identity is exposed to me.
Sense of amorousness is finding its own way as a natural phenomenon. Naturally
infatuation develops in me. Likings to Alina (actual name withheld) grow in me.
Exchange of amorous glance continues. Should I give in to infallible
infatuation? No, that can never be. I get back my senses realizing what my
dedication and commitment are. It is not the time to take any decision in
haste. Pragmatism dictates me not to proceed further. Imagination and reality hardly
have any point of concurrence amidst climax and anti-climax of life. But still
I can read the language of those two floating eyes listlessly waiting to
respond my call at any point of length. I feel that attraction deep in my
heart. But, enough to go ahead I must before my mission to be completed. So,
with all expressions of my deep attachment I am undone. Really sorry I am. Yet
there is some space for you in the turret of my heart.
My
Reality – My Philosophy:-
·
Life is a struggle in tandem from womb to tomb. It is a
hard-to-be-spoken-of struggle with so many sharp “U” turns. Relentless struggle
amidst innumerable ups and downs is the real essence of life. I grossly dislike
smooth sailing in the ocean of life as it does never any charm and thrill. I
would like to be a tough fighter in the track of life and I have already
started fighting against the odds and eventualities of life. I never want to be
a defeated soldier in the battle of life. Any kind of defeat is humiliating to
me. I always promote win-win spirit. I always want to raise the torchlight of
human values and morality, come what may. I am uncompromising to and do
denounce injustice, vices and ills as they degenerate morality and human
senses. I seek to have a look at all good qualities flourishing in me. I firmly
condemn narrowness, meanness and selfishness because they degrade human ethics.
Prosperity I do want, but not at the cost of interest of others. I imagine as
imagination is more powerful than knowledge. I believe, perfect blending of
imagination alleviates creative spirit in life. A life with no creativity or
innovative concept suffers from insipidness. I rely upon togetherness and
commonness as to live in a homogeneous form in life is beyond doubt meaningful.
I keep confidence on the concept; “We are on the same boat brothers.” My heart
weeps at the sight of misery or downfall of others. I always sing, “We shall
overcome someday.” Cruelty, any contradiction to peace is by default of no
choice to me. I nurse aesthetic senses because it purifies our souls. I long
for an unstained character. I demand to redefine myself from different angles.
I am nevertheless ambitious, but I would like to pick up my ambition as pebbles
from the rocky road of life. I don’t want to pounce upon them as I have no
reliance in rat race competition. I am reluctant in the tug of war in life. I
am passionate to enjoy my life with a striking difference and my noted identity
never missing.
I am still
walking: -
·
I
never want to terminate my missionary journey despite at the teeth of all
opposition. Stagnancy is, it is absolutely indisputing, equivalent to death.
So, question of my journey being terminated does not arise in any case. I am
walking to hear the tales of pangs and sufferings of the have-nots, I am
walking to kindle lamps in rooms with no lamp at all, I am in quest of hearts
waiting for a real exposure, I am in search of unfed mouths to feed, I am
running with songs of life, I am fighting for the ensured life for the generations
to come. Sometimes I am soft like grass, sometimes I am bold like thunder,
sometimes I am the flowing stream with swift current. I am walking to live and
let others live in peace and harmony. So I keep on singing:-
“O THE MISSIONARY TRVELER TOWARDS
LIGHT-
IT
IS STILL NIGHT,
DON’T TERMINATE YOUR JOURNEY HERE.”
NEW DAWN IS INEVITABLE AFTER THE
DARKEST NIGHT BEING OVER AND IT IS THE RULE OF LIFE AGES AFTER AGES AS AN
INCANDESCENT TRUTH.
·
A DISHEVELED WRITE-UP OF A TEENAGER
