The day when I will be no more in this world

My shadow is gradually lengthening with a confirmation of countdown of my life. That I will have to quit this living world is the last word, but very much true without any option. Tearing out all the earthly beloved attachments I will be a permanent resident of the world of eternal peace today or tomorrow. This consideration is very much aching equally painful to me. I love this living world very much. Though my life is full of ups and downs, trials and tribulations, yet there is a rhythm in it. In every sharp turn of my life there exist uncountable uncertainties. Life never appears before me as shiny billboard. To be very honest my life is a checkered one. Happiness has come to me under the coating of sadness. Naturally moments of happiness are always transitory in my life. Despite that I have solicited to live long because I have never given up struggling and fighting all along my life. Sometimes I have become tired of my endless fighting. Sometimes I have felt that I will not be capable to see the face of true happiness. Sometimes the embankment of my patience has appeared on the verge of breaking. Yet I did not give up my fighting as I am always optimistic. Optimism has taught me not to give in before uncertainties and unforeseen future. I did never want to lead my life at the mercy of others because I believe in self-dependency and it has taught me not to surrender before any crisis. So it is the flowchart of my life.

PART-1

Let the history of my life-struggle remain of my own as private passionate possession and I am unwilling to share it with anybody because it is absolutely of my own. It is my own pride and let me enjoy the flavour of it alone in absolute loneliness. When I walk down the memory lane so many episodes of my life come up in my mind thronging in different forms and different appeals. I become nostalgic out of those. Those unforgettable moments are the precious pearls of my life and want to be captivated in the oyster shell of my mind. I have seen from a negligible distance my mother’s struggle and round the clock untiring toil of my father for our subsistence. I earnestly sought for the end of their struggle after I became grown up. But sorry to say I was incapable and I encountered their demise in a stage when fortune never smiled upon them at least to that extent where question of satisfaction never raises any dispute. A constant maneuvering of them in close intimacy has taught me how to hold the torch light of morality and human senses aloft even in abject adversity. Time and again my father (Late Baidynath Mukherjee) and mother (Late Indu Debi) went me for a parrot teaching to stretch the wings of my imagination and the growing knowledge will provide strength to the wings of my imagination in order to fly not for a definite destination because destination is always limitless. It is because of their preaching in continuity I still dream to be a man with a striking difference. So I never think of my departure without creating something noble in any disposition.

In brief space, I would like to salute the contributions of my other family members too. At the outset I would like to take the name of my brother Tapas who always stands by me as a pivot with a constant source of inspiration. I am really grateful to him because I am still encouraged with stout philosophy of his life what does not know how to compromise with anything not compatible to his character. I have learnt from him how to remain less reactive and less possessive while encountering the ultimate adverse situation of life. His resoluteness is also notable with high value merits. How to keep oneself cool even at the extreme state of irritation is a quality to learn and it is to be learnt from my brother. That is why I am still standing when crosscurrents are the inevitability of my life.

Next I am to take the name of my wife Sarbani. She is a lady of all versatility. Sometimes she is as bold as thunder and sometimes she is as soft as tender grass. She holds versatility of human character. She is very much associated with tits bits of our family. In my deep crisis she is always a safe shelter. The generousity of her can never be interpreted in any language. She criticizes my shortcomings ruthlessly again she comes as a healing touch when I run into melancholy. She knows very well how to share my burden. To live long with me, a bohemian and unrealistic by nature is not a matter of joke. Yet she is giving me the company as a guiding stick. I am always grateful to her because she has a tried a lot to set up my identity in the bed of society. You are definitely to be remembered for your selfless contribution to my life. She does not flinch back to face any dire consequences for the sake of mine. Yes my beloved you are a significant milestone in the rocky path of my life.

Aloy is my only son. He looks apparently indifferent and introvert but very much resolute. Once he takes any decision by heart that can never be altered with any logic. He does never show any exaggeration while displaying his emotion or passion. He is soft by nature but never exposes that in any criteria. A greater portion of my life spins round him. I feel proud my son and expect that he will also set up an identity of his own with a marked difference and he deserves it with no iota of confusion.

Next I should count the name of Priti, my brother’s wife. I treat her as my sister and she always pay due respect to me. Apart from so many good qualities of her, taken much space to elaborate one thing of her character is really notable at premium price. She is very much keen on safeguarding the prestige of our family. She never allows anyone, however he or she is close to her mind to indulge any attempt wounding the prestige of our family. In any case of such possibility she becomes frenzy and goes for a ruthless counter attack. She is also soft and knows the art how to share moments of joys and sufferings with others. She has already occupied a specific place in my mind.

Next the name of Hiya, the only daughter of our family, must be taken into account. She is really outstanding in what not and holds a character where there is no room for narrowness and selfishness. She is always caring to me.  She is very close to my heart. She may be tender in age, but in totality she is second to none. She can read my mind and when I am in psychological trouble she is the first to read me with a healing touch. She is the icon of prosperity to me. She always inspires me for my creative outlet. I am grateful to her because she knows well how to contribute in return to love. There is obviously a large space for her in my mind.

The name of my friend Raman now comes to my mind. We are the two friends since childhood. So balanced is the psychological rapport, our friendship did never strained in anyway and will never be because our friendship is standing erect on mutual trust and understanding. I can share my emotions and feelings with him without hiding even the top secrecy of any personal matter. If am mistaken in any sense he rectifies me and at the time of appreciation he is always in open mind. So I am not so unintelligent to sideline his friendship.

PART-2

A life is definitely to be influenced by anyone in particular, a group of associates or by social environment on its run. I am not an exception to that. It is not easy to remember each and everyone. I quote their contributions that I can never ignore. During composition of this write up I will have to move through different phases and their contribution will help me a lot to justify the mission of this write up.

Birth is an accident, but death is truth. A life starts its journey with its countdown to death. None can defy it by any sense. Naturally I must have to quit this world today or tomorrow leaving all attachments of earthly possessions. None will count much on the expiry of an insignificant soul all along moved in the labyrinth of life only in search of a beam of light. Yet insignificance does have significance because there is no weighing balance to measure insignificance. Significance and insignificance are always a relative phenomenon because it does not have any specific coordinate. It varies from situation to situation. So, though I consider myself insignificant there are some people in this world who approve my significance.

When my footsteps will be no more in this world very few of my loving is sure to account for my living identity. The viability of that accounting will depend on future because it is future that tells the truth with perfect reflection. I will never come back even at the call of you in earnest. This bohemian and nomadic soul is always under assessed because in the soil of realistic world because the essence of bohemianism is hardly felt with any worth in practical world. Bohemians are always in the prowl of strange happiness as it fuels their spirit to move within an orbit which is absolutely of their own. Sometimes they are termed as selfish or self-loving. But that is a wrong interpretation. They are self-forgetful. They always move insatiate.

This insatiateness haunts me every now and then. I have always tried to create something innovative and innovative and creative spirit is the fundamental hallmark of life. So this life is not easy communicable to each and every one. A bohemian soul is always at the receiving end of displeasing others either in a family or in a society. I did never want to incur the displeasure of others but displeasing others has come in my life in recurrence. Even my close associates sometimes fail to understand me because I am incidentally set at poles asunder with my typical mental set up. Not that I am not duty bounding. But that is every time expressionless. I am truly insatiate of my own possession, so the satiety of others I fail to comprehend. If anything is to place in the witness box for my incompetency in this context that is my vagabond mind. There is none in this world who can trace out the address of my ever floating mind. Yet my mind has been brought up in the known environment as discussed earlier. So I am not lost in the midst of my life out and out disarrayed.

The day I quit this materialistic world, you need not remember me in any case. Let my identity always remain enveloped. When I will be forced to migrate from this living world to the world of permanent sleep after a pay off all my dues to my family and the society, I belong to I would have been rather happy. In the tug of war of life when I will be permanently missing putting off the attire of my living identity there is no need to remember me or to call back me looking at the absolute vacuum. Let the infinite vacuum be the last destination of my journey.

As the rule of nature days will roll on without my presence. The flute of the strange philosophy of my life will play in deaf silence. Though silence has a definite code of language none can decode that very language because of alien personification. I will be then an identity of a separate world. None knows the whereabouts of that world. But what will happen if the atmosphere of that world is mismatched to me. If I fail to adjust there in any reason. What will be the next? That is also a big question mark in my life.

I want to move even after my permanent departure with vagabondism. I want to survive even after my expiry as an insignificant soul. The sun rise and the sun set will be continuing. If you fail to identify my presence please look at the dew drop on the tip of a particular grass shining brightly at the time sunrise please try to remember me and at the time of sunset when you will find the interplay of colours in the western sky please my presence be felt. Even when you will look above in the night sky please count my presence in a specific place amidst twinkling stars. I want live among you as a nonentity what is my only entity.     

******* - A MESSAGE TO ALL MY BELOVED STUDENTS     .