Claustrophobic trauma

Not with insulation but it’s a crystal clear fact that I am now gripped with a claustrophobic trauma depositing endless uncertainty in my mind in complete uneasiness. I apprehend every moment, something may happen or I may have to encounter strangely anything unprecedented what will tear out my existence and identity both built up in little by little from long back. My million dollar question is what the source of this trauma is, how is it originated and whose handiwork is associated with it? My mind is now absolutely captivated in a circular array. It wants to fly at the call of infinity. But how can it fly if its wings are fastened with the invisible and spine cold fear in total frustration. Sometimes it comes upon my mind will I be a lost figure amidst the unknown surging crowd? Will I be a member of the infinite vacuum club? Will I be a swinging element with no fixity of purpose? But how can that be? Am I to carry my vacillating state of mind with no focal point as a nonentity? My mind wants to revolt in total outrage. As soon as I come in that state of thinking an alien claustrophobic trauma grips my mind with a caution that your unthoughtful line of action will invite your destruction closer than the closest. I flinch back and at the same time an unseen spirit compels me to adjust despite I am completely reluctant doing so.

I was never accustomed or had any tie up with such trauma earlier. I used to dream. Practically speaking I was in the habit of dreaming in free spirit with no constraints in mind or heart. I was encouraged at the galloping speed of a wild horse coming down the hill like a flash avoiding the dangers of so many sharp “U” turns. The rhythm of that horse running down fearlessly was very much fancy to me. But that very spirit and vivacity of my life is now lost in the sandy bed of a dreary desert simply by an unauthorized trauma. It is now a constant companion to me. So many times I have placed myself under a scanner to detect the cause of it. The answer is always the same. That I am trapped in the cavity of fear with no such reality is the report as the outcome of scanning. I have done my best to find out the cause of such unknown fear in repetition, but every time I have met with failure. Naturally I have now given up searching in hopelessness. Then am I to believe that claustrophobia in induced trauma is the ultimate living destiny of mine?

Spilling of beans of the underneath fact is not a smooth sailing in a swift stream with rocky bed. My mind is not compatible to acknowledging the state of such claustrophobic trauma as a simple ongoing. So I want to revolt after tearing out the plotted trap of such conspiracy. I cannot pocket up with a fact that squeezes my energy to zero balance. Emotion, feelings are still alive in me. Those elements prompt me of mine to remove the most oppressing trauma from my mind. I am well conversant that sense of traumatism instills from outside sources and traumatic feelings increase in Geometrical Progression leaving any individual in deep restlessness. A restless mind does a life to run in complete disharmony. Shelterless life and ruined mental setup ensures nothing but unwanted disaster. To put up continuous fight in the midst of chained struggle is the only remedy to come out of this crisis, a natural trend of the day in all casualness.