Restless mind wants you in solitude

Mind is now very much restless. Touch of insatiability is very much prominent in every pocket of my life. Sometimes I feel; this restlessness will never disappear from my life. Restlessness covering with thick black blanket of impatience appears, as if, the inevitability of my life. That I don’t want to find out the cause behind this unbalanced state of mind is not the reality. Still the phantoms of restlessness with physical fallacy are standing thronging in the corridor of my movement. They eat into my naturalism in a strange fear. Stoicism is not the indispensability of my life. Yet the ultimate restlessness very much in existence now is compelling me to accept that as a way of compulsion. Should inanimateness rule over unchallenged in my tidy mind, I want or don’t want- What a strange contradiction it is that haunts me in every ticking off the clock?

Just at this juncture moment your bright presence is needed in sheer desperation. In spite of placing ours at poles asunder in the flow of diversified episodes, not very important to mention those categorically for unbecomingness, still there precipitates certain amount attachment and psychological rapport between us as past rivets again and again with sweet but very much relevant memories in the backdrop of present. Who will understand the meaning of my insanity? You know my nomadic insanity by pores. Restlessness of mind is nothing new in me. You are well aware of the queerness of it. Can you ever remember how many times you brought me back to the main stream of life in supreme sympathetic as well as empathetic attachment when I was gripped with tremendous restlessness? If you can recollect I am fortunate, if not I am not going to accuse you in any way because ticking away time helps us a lot to forget.

Look, what a strange thing it is! I am now desperately trying to recollect your name as my savior. Is it the piteous outcome that one day I didn’t recognize your importance and role in my life. You came shamelessly to me time and again with your offerings of love, but so useless I was then that I refused that with absolute passiveness. I was then obviously mistaken as present interprets. Right now after a long lapse I don’t want to justify that with limping alibi. Perhaps I was then in the understanding the tracks of our mental set up are parallel, never to touch any particular point. I might have thought that when the possibility of reconciliation of our two way line of is a remote chance, when we would remain ever non-collinear there stood no reason to walk side by side as it would bring uneasiness in our life and the burden of uneasiness would become heavier day by day.

I was really useless then. The weighing balance to measure or quantify the amount of my the then uselessness is yet to be invented. I did not want to realize that mind of every human being matters. Crossing many hurdles of ifs and buts a mind wants to come close to other. When two minds come close there grows faith. When a female offers herself in humble submission to a male one out of love she should not be refused because she appears as bliss to male folk. She gives a cool shelter and energizes her counterpart when her beloved one falls in crisis resulting total restlessness. I completely forgot then that women are not simply fuss. Her bashful amorous glance storms in mind. She keeps herself ready to greet any kind of pain or suffering for the cause of her male part. Truly speaking you did not want to give up though being assaulted mentally days after days. Perhaps you thought that One day I would realize the magnitude of your love. I did not anticipate that you would be my solace a day. At that time I was absorbed in my own thinking to be always taken as irrefutable by me. Patience does have a limit. Once you discovered that there was no berth of you in my mind in ultimate shamefulness you went for a permanent exit from my life. You did never come back. Though your mind is as soft as a tender grass bur you are not indecisive and there you are bold like thunder. You scrolled back yourself from my life.

It will be really time consuming to have a reminiscence of past after unenveloping the chapters being closed for a long time. None but you can give me a healing touch in my restlessness. Today I am very much in need of you. I don’t know where you are right now. May be you don’t want to recollect my name in sensitiveness. But I am undone. For obvious reasons I am restless now. But injustice to you and your love being stamped is the main cause of my restlessness. Both of us are now in mature age. I understand; broken glass, broken mind can hardly be joined. If at all joined; there leaves a mark in the place of joint. Please do have a pity on me. This restless mind wants you in deep solitude. At least come for once. You will find me a completely changed man being burnt in the fire of repentance. There is none in the world who will come forward to this soul being shattered with a healing touch. So I am very much in need of you so that I can die keeping my head on your lap. That will be peaceful indeed.